The handyman of this house!

For the past couple of weeks Bigshot and I were dealing with a problem only people who live in a one bathroom apartment can understand. The severity of it increased when the bathroom door wouldn’t open while being stuck inside and you feel like you are going to suffocate and die anytime from now. Maybe that last part is a bit too dramatic, but that’s what I’m good at. After two days of dealing with this horrible situation, I had even learned a much complicated trick in which the door would magically open. I don’t know how to explain my trick without sounding delusional and stupid,  but all I had to do was keep turning the door knob five times to the left and then five times to the right. *Silence* I told you, you’re not going to like it! Anyway, I assumed the door knob needed heavy oiling for it to twist smoothly from inside when you turned the knob and told the rather chilled out Bigshot to call the community service to come fix it.

You see, he had been fine with the entire door situation for two reasons:

1) I was his knight in shining armor as I was a call away in order to rescue him from the rather small bathroom castle.

2) I was always there at home whenever he needed me.

To our dismay however, the bathroom door soon became invincible to my very own logical door opening trick. Afterwards it became impossible for us to close the door from inside as well as outside. And during those days when we have forgotten about the doorknob situation we end up closing the door only to regret it within seconds. There were times when we were stuck in the bathroom for a good long 10 minutes trying somehow to open the door. I’ve lost my patience in so many instances that the door would get punched and kicked which in turn would hurt me alone. As time went by, I started talking to the door as if it’s a person when I would get stuck inside or when I wanted to pee badly and it wouldn’t open. I would plead, I would get angry, I would threaten and I would even fake cry for it to open. To make things worst I even started calling God to help me open the door. Like he/she has no other job!

Now I might not be very good at fixing things in the house, but I do use the toolbox whenever I need to fix certain vessels in the kitchen. Bigshot on the other hand is a software engineer who is not so fond of hardware and repairing things. In fact, I’ve never seen him use that toolbox when we bought it last year, which to be frank, is not a big deal as there isn’t anything wrong with a man who doesn’t give a shit about a toolbox. I mean, to each his own.

Then one day as I kept blasting Bigshot to call the community service on his way to the office, I found a YouTube video by chance while searching in Google where they teach you how to unlock a doorknob with a paper clip. As I victoriously danced around Bigshot after successfully opening the door with a paper clip, little did I know that he was jealous of my new found skill. Next day was a weekend and as most service men in the community are unavailable I did not bother to bug him about the door and we went out for a little shopping. As I specifically  wrote and stuck two post-it notes on both the sides of the door to do NOT close the door as a reminder for the both of u , I was shocked to see the door closed when we returned. Gee, I wonder who did that?  As I was about to get the paper clip to unlock the door, Bigshot had an epiphany to use the toolbox all of a sudden and wanted to fix it all by himself.

As I was unaware of his handyman skills for the past two and half years, I decided to see what he would be able to do. He grabbed the toolbox and started visually explaining the method to me in which he is going to screw open the inside of the doorknob and how he will be lubricating the twisting area only to screw it back on. Simple process is what I thought about it and is what I assume now that he might have thought about it.  As I watched him unscrew the doorknob part, I started thinking why couldn’t he do it before. As I watched him oiling the insides I was wondering how come he found out how to fix it all of a sudden. As I watched him push and throw the entire insides of the doorknob to the other side of the locked door all I could do was scream “NOOOOOOO!”

“Oh shit, I wish you were stuck inside the bathroom now to give it back from there. Hahaha!”

He knew that I was not going to laugh at that comment. I started imaging the worst of the situations that can happen for the next two days till the REAL handyman would fix the door. Don’t we all imagine the worst case scenario during a bad situation or is it just me? As panic started controlling our minds, Bigshot decided to call the apartment service and I hoped and prayed for someone to pick up the call.

Ten minutes later, the guy who picked up the call came and fixed the door so effortlessly and efficiently that we were both dumbstruck for a few minutes. I guess we are not that kind of adults who knows how to fix things in their house or the kind of adults who has the basic common sense to call someone when they need help. But that’s the beauty of figuring out how to be adults except that I call it a beauty now only because the door is officially fixed. Before leaving, the handyman told us that he heard the phone ring in the office as nobody was there and decided to pick it up only because he had come over to take something. As we kept thanking him for his service and annoyed him with it for the bazillionth time, he left us and as Bigshot closed the door behind him, his face changed  from that of a smile to a gloat and said, “See, I told you I could fix it!” only to have a screwdriver fly towards him.

“I always advise people never to give advice.“ – P.G Wodehouse


Author: Lakshmi Geeth

I’m an ordinarily odd person who is pleasant to talk to. When I’m not trying to be funny, I would be lying on the floor bawling my eyes out. I write weird stories, real life snippets, traumatic and dramatic memories along with doses of unsolicited advices. 🙂